Ashwini

It was a day in the latter end of March, about half past ten in the morning. I rushed towards the open door of the corridor to meet her. She was a tall, thin, bearded woman, for she had a beard all over her face, a surprising, an unexpected beard, growing in improbable tufts, in curly bunches which looked as if they had been sown by a madman over that great face, the face of a gendarme in petticoats. She had them on her squashed-in nose, under her nose, round her nose, on her chin, on her cheeks and her eyebrows, which were extraordinary thick and long, and quite grey, bushy and bristling, looked exactly like a pair of mustaches stuck on there by mistake. She was sitting on the floor with a camera kept near her. She was surrounded by thousands of photographs.  She put her long frizzy curly hair in between her thin lips and looked at me with her squinty eyes. I just cried “Oh ghosh!! Is she Ashwini? The girl who killed her father few years back.”

In past few years, I had successfully alleviated mental and emotional disturbances of several people by means of various techniques, occasionally drugs or electroconvulsive therapy, more often private or group psychotherapy. I had earned lot of love and respect as a renowned psychiatrist in New Delhi, capital of India, and felt utter joy when Delhi police handed me the complicated case of Ashwini. According to the police records, Ashwini was born in Delhi in 1982 in a middle class family of clerks. She did her schooling in Kendriya Vidyalaya and her graduation in an engineering college of Delhi-NCR region. She was a meritorious student having more than 80% marks scored throughout her career. She came in the limelight in May 2006 when she was arrested for slaying her father, just ten days after her mother died of a heart-attack. Later in 2007, she was sent to a mental rehabilitation Centre under the Delhi police, after a civil court declared her to be mentally unfit. Since then she had been attended by several top psychiatrists of the city but her condition deteriorated with time.

After getting this assignment, I started spending large amounts of time in observing Ashwini. Her behavior was really different from many of the mentally disordered people whom I have treated in the past. She used to obey all the rules and followed the routine life of the rehabilitation center. She always kept a self-adjusting auto-shoot camera near her, and in every 10 minutes a picture of her was taken by the camera.  For the other 5 minutes she was busy with the photograph that came out from the device. She has been doing this since last few years. She never uttered a single word and took all the medicines from nurses without forging any agitation for them. Most of the time, she was like an obliging 12 year old girl, but the only time when she really became lethal was when she had to kill time without her camera. That time, everyone was scared of her appalling violent power that she used in destroying anything that came in her way. Every night powerful doses of sleeping drugs were given to her for sound sleep. The causes of mental disorders are varied and in some cases unclear, and theories may incorporate findings from a range of fields. This was happening in the case of Ashwini too.  Like other psychiatrists, I was also not being able to trace the actual element of her mental disorder. The drugs that were used for her sound sleep, and for controlling her sudden violence, were gradually damaging her psychic condition. She was very close of being admitted in a mental hospital for involuntary commitment.

I believed in destiny but never left it to chance and this time fate had also planned something different for Ashwini that led me to find her diaries accidentally. I was sure that her diaries will lead me to enter in the realm of real Ashwini and eventually I will know the genesis of her mental disorder. I started reading her diaries…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

21 MAY 1994……………………………………….........................

Dear diary, thanks for coming into my life today and yeah it’s a special day for me, it’s my birthday. First let me tell you a few things about me... I have wavy/curly dark brown hair an inch or two longer than my shoulders and dark… and brown eyes.. I’m 4 ft. 10 ½ (I know I’m short for my age, 20th percentile, but I’m growing.) I’m in 7th grade this year and am dying to be 13 (then I’ll finally be a teenager!). I have to get braces really soon right now I’m wearing a twin block to move my jaw forward. Although braces are no walk in the sun, they’ve got to be better than this! I’m not popular but I’m not a loser and I’m actually pretty shy around other kids, unless I know them well. Now let me introduce you to my family. My papa works in a bank here in Delhi, My mother is a housewife and yeah she is My best friend. My brother is 2 years younger than me and we both adore each other. Sometimes, I feel jealous of all extra love and affections, he gets from papa, but mom says that brothers are always admired more than sisters in our country, India. It happened with her too. Earlier I used to feel abashed for my ugly looks that kept some of the kids away from me, but now I don’t feel so because of my mother’s promise that after few years, an angel will convert me into a beautiful damsel, and everyone will run after me. I am sure that from now onwards you will always remain loyal to me for My whole life and keep My all secrets only with you…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

JUNE 1997……………………………………….........................

 I have secured 1^st position in my school by scoring 92% marks in class 10^th board exams. My mother is so much delighted with my performance. Now I hope that my father will allow me to take maths and science for my higher secondary education, but he still believes that there have been some mistakes by C.B.S.E authorities while evaluating my exam copies. He even accused me for copying some other guys during exams, as he argues that he never saw me studying hard and it’s not possible for girls to top in a school dominated by boys. How can he be so mean and think this way for me? I am his daughter and he never cares for my happiness. Sometimes I feel that my father is the bane of my existence. Does he feel ashamed of my ugly looks? Oh diary!!  Do you also feel bashful for being the best buddy of an ugly girl? Oh angel!! where are you? I really need you, do something so that everyone starts appreciating me……………………..

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AUGUST 2000………………………………………………...........

 I was really bemused about my college and my engg. Branch, but the first day at college went good, clearing all the negative thoughts that were stressing my brain since a long time. It was really a tough task for me to take mechanical engineering that my father never wanted me to study. I chose this department only to prove him that girls can do better than boys here too that has been dominated by them since a long time. He never gets satisfied with my educational achievements. Few months ago, after hearing the news that I have topped again in class 12 examinations, his state of mind declined that was already in a bad condition, after my brother scored very poor marks in 10^th board exams. He even feels that I have stolen all good luck of my brother that led him to perform poorly in board exams…………………………. ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

MAY 2002……………………………………………………....

I have shed my weight and now I am a tall girl still having a curly hair, squinty eyes, squashed-in nose and thin lips. Though I still don’t look too attractive but now I have a few college friends. Unlike most other college girls, I am taken less seriously if I dress well. Yes, wearing a cute blazer and jeans (or make-up and accessories) actually diminishes how seriously my peers and professors take me. For some reason, certain professors seem to hold it against me that I am a girl going into a seriously male dominated world. However, being taken seriously is seemingly on the bottom of My "to-do" list when it comes to classes……………….

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FEB 2004…………………………………………......................

How can he say this to me?? Do I really look so awful that even My college friends hesitate in posing with me for a photograph?? I know I am always the ugly one. Don't say that's a lie because you don't know what some people have said and done. It hurts to think about how mean some people could be. Even when I started to look a little better, they still couldn't see. Was he true when he told that everyone in my college feels ashamed of being My batchmate?? Why I’ve ever liked him that he rejected me for reasons of ‘God, you are so ugly’ or ‘I’d never go out with you’. Everyday this boy would tell me I am ugly and nasty, and then he got other people to say it too. You should have heard what they said to me in middle of the class. It was awful. I felt like crying. It is a torture and a living hell. Are my looks the reason that my father never loved me?? Is a girl’s physical beauty everything with which she is characterized in this world??Does the outer beauty matters more than the "inner" beauty? And if it is so then why it is so??................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

MARCH 2006…………………………………………...............

  My father has bought a self-adjusting digital camera for me so that I can take my photographs regularly and he can use one of my best photographs in sending my marriage proposals to different eligible bachelors' parents for further proceedings. I just pretend I look really good, sometimes it’s really hard though because I don’t like being, thinking... that I’m pretty when I’m not and today it has been proved after my marriage proposal has been rejected again for the 15th time since last year. Now I even can’t stand looking into mirrors because all I ever see looking back at myself is “ugliness and obesity”. “So I don’t look. My mother’s health is also becoming a cause of worry for me. Yesterday was the 2nd time since last month that she had been hospitalized for a severe chest pain. I am feeling sorry for my mother. My  father has started drinking whisky  more often these days, and I think he is right when he blames me for being the only reason  for everything that  is happening with my mother…………………………………………………………………

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MAY 2006……………………………………………………....

Oh diary, can you imagine trying to focus on reading a book and in the background you hear a lawn mower getting progressively louder and louder until you couldn’t focus and even forget that you were supposed to be reading a book at all. My life has become a book whose pages are being formatted every day with increased space of guilt. My brain has lost its focus and My only beautiful possession that is My soul has also started losing its essence. All of a sudden, My will and determination to fight on has left me. I don’t feel any sort of calm and am not at all in peace that can give me a painless sleep. I am getting addicted of sleeping drugs. I love seeing my photographs, the only thing that elates me these days. ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….........

Ashwini had started writing diary since the age of 12 years. I read all her diaries, but her best friend, diary kept her promise to be loyal and kept most of the ashwini’s secrets only with her. Many of the pages in the diary were missing and I was able to read only few pages of her diaries, but those pages assisted me to get much closer to the authentic cause of Ashwini’s mental disease.  I still wanted to know about the real incidents of the dark night that made her to assassinate her father 10 days after her mother deceased in a heart attack. I again went through the police records to know the details of the incident, but unfortunately I could not find much to make myself appeased. Finally, Sheila, the maid, who worked at ashwini’s house, came to my rescue and told me some unknown facts about ashwini’s family, and also about that night’s incident. She said stammeringly: “Sir, ashwini mam was an admirable girl with very friendly nature. But after March 2005, when my madam (ashwini’s mother) started remaining ill, ashwini mam’s behavior got drastically changed. She started living alone and her loneliness and anguishes were easily noticeable from her face. Earlier, she used to talk a lot with me, but during those days she barely uttered any words. Even I noticed a change in master’s (ashwini’s father) behavior. He started drinking wine every evening, and used to abuse ashwini when he came home after getting drunk. Ashwini mam used to cry a lot in her room and I felt pity on her worsened condition that was declining day by day.  The worst part happened in May 2006 when madam died of heart attack. After madam’s death, master even started harassing ashwini mam physically. That night when I had completed all my household works and was about to go back to my home, suddenly I heard moaning sounds from ashwini mam’s room. I rushed to her room immediately and there I saw that master was beating ashwini mam. She had worn one of the madam’s favorite saris that had angered master and he had lost his control. I got scared after perceiving all this with my eyes and rushed back to my home. Next morning when I returned to work, I was astonished to see policemen in the house. Master’s dead body was lying outside and policemen took ashwini mam into their custody for brutally slaying her father. Ashwini mam’s scary looks agitated me for a while. I still remember her squinty large red eyes that were continuously glaring at me as if they wanted to tell me something. Some people of nearby flats complained of huge amount of agitating sounds coming out from ashwini mam’s house last night. They even assumed that those continuous mourning sounds by ashwini mam were even hinting at a situation of her getting raped by her drunken father. No one knows from where ashwini mam got her appalling power to assassinate her father so barbarically. I have heard that you are curing ashwini mam, so today I came to you to confess everything that I knew about Ashwini mam and her family related to that incident which has made her life hell.  I did not murmur a single word to the policemen who came to question me several times last year. I beg you to help my ashwini mam and cure her completely as soon as possible.”

After hearing Sheila’s confession and reading pages from ashwini’s dairies my way of conceiving got altered drastically and it showed me a new string of hope. I had already entered into the realm of real Ashwini and after knowing the genesis of her mental disorder, I began my actual treatment to heal her cerebral anarchy. I went to Britain and consulted the top most psychiatrists there for resolving this case.

Today, after 5 years Ashwini is still getting medication under my guidance. She has recovered a lot and in merge of becoming normal very soon. Her smile is back on her face and her eyes have again regained all the dreams that she used to perceive while sleeping a few years ago. Her life that had become a book containing pages full of guilt has again started being formatted with colossal ambitions and positive anticipations.  I am more than delighted after achieving success in ashwini’s case, but my brain is concerning for a woman who's suffering physical, sexual and psychological aggression in the family, at work or in educational institutions. The problem is perceived somewhat differently today, as society begins to question, at an essential level, the consubstantiality between violence and gender relations, and as a negative attitude towards violence, in any of its manifestations in social life, becomes increasingly widespread.  The worst part is that even in 21^st century; many of us discriminate girls on the basis of their looks and still torture them on gender grounds. Ashwini has asked some serious questions to our society through her diary. “Is a girl’s physical beauty everything with which she is characterized in this world??Does the outer beauty matters more than the "inner" beauty? And if it is so then why it is so??” I am pretty sure that a large section of people can’t answer her queries because this mentality of discrimination is persisting in our barbarous community.  I have decided to change the envision of our ruthless community that plays a major role in forging large number of Ashwini's every year, bawling for help in mental rehabilitation centers across the globe. 

NOTE:: this story is a work of fiction and is dedicated to all the wonderful women of this earth...............................................

BY :: MIHIR KUMAR CHOUDHARY

COLLEGE MEMORIES:: the untold love story

Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose. The morning, I saw today at my college has also become a memory to be remembered as the last morning of my college days. How strange are those old recollections that haunt us, without our being able to get rid of them!

Today, I feel lucky to have a plenty of good friends. In my engineering life, I solved friendship equations along with several mathematical equations to get a good job, and plenty of good friends. Mukul, a tall, pretty guy, and roommate of my hostel room took few months to be my best friend, and I miss him the most after completion of my B.Tech life. We both shared a great chemistry and did several things together at college, to be remembered by us and our friends forever. The initial months of my college days will always be special to me for endearing me with my college. I was introduced to a realm of code, where I learnt  respect for my seniors, importance of friendship, and live life by your own with hurdles, often called ‘ragging’ surrounding you everywhere. Even today, I cannot understand how these initial days have clung so vividly and tenaciously to my college memories.

During our ragging period that was for 2 initial months of our 1st semester at our engg college, we had to follow certain rules and wear the dress code designed for us. Even, we were not allowed to look properly at girls of our batch of 450 students from different streams. Seniors used to come in our classes, and few pretty girls of our class had to answer the same boring question to many seniors every day. These girls used to show their stagnant horrible faces to us, as if they were in tatters after facing ‘ragging’ from our seniors. Though, these girls felt elated at their girl’s hostel for gaining popularity among batch mates and seniors; many guys of our batch, who had got feelings for these charming young ladies, prayed for the early exit of ragging period, and try their luck to get a girlfriend at college. Mukul was also attracted from pretty, charming Reah Sen. Reah was the most beautiful girl of our batch, born, as if through an error of destiny, into a poor farmer family of  Bengal. After few days we got our freshers, and the door of enjoyment also opened its door for us to enjoy our college life along with seniors. Most of the 1^st year guys changed their routine life to lead a casual life after the end of ragging period. They were all ready to dip inside the sea of love, and grab the most charming pearl to make it their soul mate for the rest of their college life. Mukul was a studious and serious student, who used to study and complete all the class assignments by his own, while I, along with my other roommates and other class mates used to talk and do fun in our hostel room. He was getting popular as a serious student in the class among all the students and girls do liked his looks, full of innocence. My hostel room was very popular among seniors of hostel, and here popularity was gained by my other roommate Prithesh, a rock star, and a guitarist. He had won the heart of all super seniors, and they used to come in our room to listen his guitar. Prithesh was a great guy with athletic body that has made several girls to run for him at his native place. He was in relationship with his 5^th girlfriend and had no plans to look even at the college girls. Mukul had no choice except to hear the songs and talk with me, while Prithesh was busy in alluring the seniors. Prithesh’s guitar had not only heeled the wounds of broken heart seniors, but also helped me in sprouting the weeds of friendship with Sam and Mukul. Sam was from other nearby room, used to live in my room only due to a better bonding with me and my roommates. Mukul appointed me as his love guru, for helping him in getting Reah, as his girlfriend. Well, sorry to say so late, but yeah I was in relationship since my school days, and so was handed this responsibility to carry out. We started working on the project of Mukul’s love. Reah was now being observed by us, and I suggested Mukul to do friendship with Tanya. Tanya, a beautiful, graceful, and distinguished looking with large gray eyes was the best friend of Reah. We had a bad experience with Tanya. We including Mukul had an exchange of bad words with her for one of our friend Veer, who loved Tanya and she had ignored him. The word ‘sorry’ came in Mukul’s rescue, and we relished in excitement after he succeeded in making Tanya his 1^st friend among girls of our college.

After few days, I was surprised on seeing a large no. of sms from Tanya on Mukul’s cell. He was going fast in forging a good friendship with Tanya.  They had started talking with each other on phone, and the hours of conversation got enhanced day after day. I had concealed their friendly relationship from our friends and seniors. Tanya was simple, never talked with guys in class; but she was unhappy. Mukul was also her lab partner, and he had started helping her to come out from all her sorrows that haunted her. Soon, durga-pooja vacation came and we all went to our home to enjoy the season of festivals. I met shreya, my girlfriend at my hometown. She was studying medical, and had come home for pooja vacations. College was awaiting us with our first internal exams. Mukul was well prepared for the exams, and helped me to do a good preparation for the internals. The internals went good. Mukul and Tanya started their post vacation friendship bond with a fresh odor. I was feeling the essence of that odor containing microbes of love, but waited few more days to ask the truth from Mukul. “I don’t know Ryan, what it is exactly!! But yeah I am enjoying every moment with her. We are very close friends, and I don’t want to think about anything else.”  said Mukul.  I went up to him and said: “what about Reah??” “For now, I am not concerned of Reah. I think it was an infatuation. So it’s better to end it.” Without being surprised from the reply of Mukul, I was rather happy for him and wished that their friendship soon get converted to a great love story.

It is said that in a college, the news of friendship between a boy and a girl spread out like fire in a forest.  The case of Mukul and Tanya was not different; all had started to predict a dalliance between them, attracting a lot of trouble for me and my friend Mukul. We all suddenly woke up at 2 am with the sound of large knocks made on our door. Nazim khan, 3rd year senior, entered our room. He was a broad- shouldered man, with a small red beard, a handsome man, a man whose name we had heard several times in the stories of college fights, a man whom some of my seniors respected, some of them feared, and some of my seniors hated. It was our first interaction with Nazim bhaiya, and we were shivering with fear. He cried loudly: “who is Mukul here??” Mukul replied gracefully: “I am Mukul.” Nazim bhaiya looked at Mukul with an irritated eye, and declared impatiently: “what do you suppose of doing with Tanya??Don’t you know that Ajit, my friend loves her? How did you dared of loving her? My friends were going to beat you in the day itself. But I thought of talking with you. So, I am here.” Mukul was full of fear after hearing those words and murmured in a shivering tone: “there is nothing like that between us bhaiya. We are just very good friends. Yesterday, I came to know about Ajit bhaiya that he loves her. She was very depressed today. So, we were wandering together and sat for few hours in the college canteen.” “Ok, so you both are good friends!! Will you be able to prove me that she will stand for you, whenever you will be in need? If it is so, then just tell Tanya to confess me about your friendship with her. Take my no. and come with her in the library at recess time. Call me if I am not there.” “Yeah bhaiya, I can do that. I will come with Tanya tomorrow, and she will confess you about our friendship.” “Ok fine. If she does that tomorrow, then I promise you today that none of my friends will hurt you or Tanya. Even, Ajit will not disturb her. It’s the word of Nazim khan, and you know that my words have got weight in this college.” Nazim bhaiya left the room after finishing his conversation with Mukul.

 I was stagnant for few minutes along with Prithesh. We both were confused, after hearing the conversation between Mukul and Nazim bhaiya. We both looked stupefied, and then Prithesh stammered out: “hey what’s the matter dude? What you have done? Why you are getting yourself involved in this trouble? Do you love Tanya?”  Then, unable to bear it any longer, Mukul replied in an exasperated voice: “Oh! Do leave me in peace; I am explaining the whole matter to both of you. As I told Nazim bhaiya, I really came to know about the case of Ajit bhaiya only yesterday. Tanya called me yesterday night and she started weeping loudly. She told me about Ajit bhaiya, who was behind her since the 1^st day of our college life. She never liked him, and always ignored him. But he used to disturb her by getting her ragged from the senior girls, friends of Ajit bhaiya. Yesterday night, she was called by her seniors; they abused her, and warned for not talking with me. They even scared her of complain that they would lodge against her to the girls hostel warden, if she continues talking terms with me. She told me to forget her as she never wanted me to be in trouble from Ajit bhaiya and his group. I was broken in tatters after hearing her painful words, containing the essence of tears rolling off from her large, beautiful eyes. I realized for the first time that I had started adoring Tanya, and tears from her eyes do hurt me. She was depressed today too, so for the first time, I went to canteen with her and tried to give her a good time by spending few hours with her in the college campus. I saw Ajit bhaiya looking at us with his irritated eyes full of anger. The hatred against Ajit bhaiya which was fermenting in my veins suddenly roused me, but I controlled it just to keep Tanya away from more troubles. I have started caring her. I think I am in love bro!!....” I felt elated after hearing these words from Mukul. He had started loving Tanya from his pure heart, easily visible from the tears rolling off his eyes, spreading the essence of his unconditional love for her.

Next day, Sun shone warm and bright into the large courtyard near college library. Tanya, feeling awkward about the confession promise, finally confessed to Nazim bhaiya, and he promised Mukul to go by his words. His words were like flowers of joy for Tanya and Mukul, and they started wandering together in the college premises like a new couple, without any fear.

My room was appearing to other friends as a room of love birds, with all of the roommates busy with their love on phone during midnight. But soon Prithesh had a break up with his 5^th girlfriend, and again, we were unable to find the reason of his break up. The dilemma of his love life was that every time a girl proposed him, and after remaining in relationship with him for few months, they ran with other guys. He had decided this time not to be in any further relationships. On the other side, Mukul was always surrounded with problems related to others, who wanted to shatter his love story. This time it was veer, who wanted to create misunderstandings between Mukul and Tanya. We had to intervene, and a clash was successfully avoided between Mukul and veer. Even, I was going on a rough patch with shreya during those days.  Thanks to Diwali, which came at the right time, and we all went home to celebrate the festival of lights with the family. In this holiday, Mukul got a lucky chance to take Tanya to her home. He called me on Diwali and told me about his fabulous journey with Tanya, and told how much frightened he felt while meeting the parents of Tanya, who were very friendly to him. It was one of the best Diwali of his life, and I really felt happy for him. The festival of lights also helped me to clear the rough patch with my love shreya.

After Diwali, I insisted Mukul to propose Tanya, which I felt was the appropriate time to do. I already knew it, how hard it is when you are going to propose your best female friend. I had faced it in past, but after initial rejection by shreya; she accepted my offer, after noticing me for a long period. In case of Tanya, I was damn sure that she will accept Mukul’s proposal at once, but still knowing a girl completely is a task, failed by lots of sages of ancient times. We were keeping our fingers crossed and on a proper situation, when Tanya was feeling jealous while Mukul was busy talking with her roommate, he proposed Tanya and it took him almost three hours for murmuring  “I love you Tanya” in a shivering tone. “I did it Ryan. I did it guys. I proposed Tanya today.” Mukul uttered a cry of joy. I responded, full of anxiety: “you are my brave brother. Proud of you! She told you na a big yes...?” “No man, she was stagnant and kept quiet for a few minutes, after I proposed her. She did not believe my words and was repeatedly saying that she had not thought anything about it. At last, she asked for some time and wants me to be continuing the friendship.” “Hey! It’s great. You are luckier than me. My friendship got affected, when shreya had initially said a big no to my proposal. She will very soon say you a big yes, when she gets convinced of accepting you as her soul mate. Don’t worry bro…it’s time for a big party...!” “Thanks Ryan, it all happened due to your support and confidence you showed on me.! It’s really a time for celebration.”

We celebrated the success of Mukul with a grand party, he threw to us. Mukul and Tanya became closer to each other after Mukul’s proposal, signaling a virtual yes to his offer by Tanya. Hurdles kept coming to their love story, and this time it was a guy named krish, who had claimed to be Tanya’s boyfriend since her schooldays. He had questioned the character of Tanya and even suggested Mukul, to be careful from her. Mukul completely believed Tanya, and he just took krish, a mad one sided lover, as told by Tanya to him. Semester exams came nearer and we all became busy with lab exams and in exam preparations. Due to Mukul, I and sham had also come close with reeti and keerti, roommates of Tanya. We all were class mates and used to go to canteen and library together. Sham had soft feelings for keerti, but he never thought of telling her. Reeti had also some soft feelings for Mukul, before she got committed with a guy from the nearby college. She liked Mukul and Tanya as a pair, and was helping Mukul to get a big yes from Tanya as soon as possible.

Finally our 1^st semester exams started in cold December. First three papers went really good for us. After completion of 3^rd paper, we had got a one day gap for the next exam. That evening, the college main building raised its colossal arch against the red sky, and the sun seemed to be sinking on to it, showering fiery dust on it from the sky. I had not seen Mukul after the exam but was not worried, as it was his regular habit to go out with Tanya and wander in the college premises. He returned after a few hours with a swollen face, red eyes, and shivering voice. He appeared to be broken in tatters. I thought that there must have been some misunderstandings between him and Tanya, and it will be sorted out very soon, like it happens in my case with shreya. He slept for few hours with eyes continuously rolling off tears, spreading the essence of hatred, betrayal all over the room. After few hours, unable to bear it any longer, Mukul woke up and said to me in an exasperated voice: “bhai, I got cheated. Tanya broke my heart. She had told me lie about everything. Today, krish called me after our exam and told me that he had a recording, containing his conversations with Tanya during their school days. He told me to listen the recording, and know about the real Tanya. Initially, I did not believe him, but again I thought of listening the recording for once, and clear out all my misunderstandings about Tanya. Well, really speaking I am cursing my soul for listening the recording, containing her sexual chats with krish, a mad one sided lover for me. The unconditional love that was fermenting in my veins has got converted to hatred for her. My brain has stopped working, and my heart is still not accepting the fact about which my ears sent the signal to my brain few hours ago. How can Tanya cheat me bro! How can she do this to me!! How can she tell me the bundle of lies?” I was really shocked after hearing these words from my best friend. He had been cheated from a girl, who appeared to me the most simple and pure hearted girl, I have ever encountered in my life, other than shreya. The situation at that moment was appearing to be a very critical one. I called Reeti, who was the closest friend of Mukul, after Tanya. I told her the whole incidents about recordings and krish. She was not shocked as much I had expected her to be. Then, she said me in a whisper: “well, first of all I want to ask sorry from you and Mukul. I knew about krish. He was her boyfriend since school days, and they broke up during our ragging period. Related to recording, I don’t know anything. That is really very shameful act by Tanya. She had told me not to tell the truth about krish to you people. After seeing the unconditional love in the eyes of Mukul for Tanya, I always asked her to tell the truth about krish. She hesitated to do so as she had already told him a lie about krish, and she never wanted to break the trust of Mukul. But, as it always happens; the house made of brick of mud falls very soon, similarly relationship built on several lies get shattered very soon. This recording thing is really unacceptable for me too. She never told us about this stuff. I can understand the feeling of Mukul, and the condition in which he might be going on now. Please lend your support to him and tell him that I am always with you people. He needs us the most now.” I was feeling cheated too by these girls, who were the best female friends of our friend group. How can they be so selfish and irresponsible in case of relationship, when a guy has given his everything to his unconditional love!!  

Well, the night passed by and next day, I kept busy Mukul with me for studying maths, our next scheduled exam paper. Fortunately, our maths paper went good. After the exam, Tanya called Mukul as she wanted an urgent talk with him on the matter of recording and krish. We told him not to change his decision that was to do break up with Tanya. We knew that he may be emotionally tortured by Tanya, due to his innocence and pure heart that was graced to him by the almighty. Mukul came back after few hours, and uttering a deep sigh, as if after a first victory, went on in a calm voice: “I broke up with Tanya. She pleaded me with various explanations for not to do so. But, I did it finally. For some moments, after seeing tears rolling off from her eyes, I wanted to give her a chance, but could not do so due to her words, I had heard in that recording. So it’s ok for me now. I am finally relieved and will try to forget her as soon as possible.”

At night, I went to the college ground along with Mukul. He wanted to have a personal talk with me. He smiled with a proud and simple joy and said: “today, before going to Tanya, I went to reeti. She told me everything; she had kept hidden from me. Tanya never loved me. She was using me just to enjoy the status of having me as her boyfriend. I was her puppy, as I supported her and backed her in all her decisions. I protected her from abuses and ragging from our seniors. Today, I am telling you a bitter truth; she never called from her cell phone. She used to give me a miss call, when she needed to talk with me, and I immediately called her without slightly thinking of the money, I spent on my phone recharge. In the early days of college life, she had announced of getting a boyfriend, who was to be a handsome, good hearted, innocent guy, ready to do anything for her. Reeti even told me that Tanya will do anything to not let me go from her life. While talking with Tanya today, I wanted her to see her going for anything to not let me go from her life. And at last, when I was adamant with my decision, she pushed me near her face and told me to kiss her lips, a proof that she can do anything for not letting me go from her life. I went close to her, saw in her eyes, did not found a single trace of truth, touched her chins, vibrations leading me to love her unconditionally was also missing in that touch. I was getting uncontrolled in that situation and was about to kiss her when suddenly, I remembered the last words by reeti. Tanya had recorded my proposal words “I love you Tanya” in her mobile phone, and almost all the girls of our batch had heard the proposal words. She used to laugh after hearing my unconditional feelings for her. The hatred started fermenting in my veins, and I pushed her away. I went out hurriedly from the empty classroom, left her all alone to think for a new strategy for getting a new guy of her type.”  Tears were constantly rolling off from the eyes of both of us. I knew that Mukul had to face consequences for leaving Tanya. But, he had gained a different kind of inner strength and was ready to face it all.

NOTE: I DEDICATE THIS STORY TO ALL MY COLLEGE FRIENDS SENIORS, AND JUNIORS. THIS STORY IS A FICTION, BASED ON THE REAL INCIDENTS. THE CHARACTER OF “RYAN” AND THE NARRATOR IS INSPIRED BY RAUNAK PALIT AND BASED ON HIS CHARCTER. THE CHARACTER OF “MUKUL” IS INSPIRED BY ME AND BASED ON MY CHARACTER. 

I AM SORRY MA...M

These days, social networking sites have become a part and parcel of our lives.  No one would have guessed a few years ago about today’s dependency of our lives on these sites which has caught almost all the celebrities to get attached to its realm. My morning starts almost daily now with a regular checkup of updates on my Facebook and Google accounts. I don’t know that how many of you have created a fake profile and enjoyed through it but, I really did once in my life and pledged not to do it again. The incidents which happened afterwards still make me feel sad and always want to say her “I AM SORRY MA...M “

                                                                         It was really not the same 4 years ago, when I was in Delhi for preparation of competitive exams. Facebook and orkut were very new those days. These sites were then used for forming new friends irrespective of today, when it is mainly used for being in touch with our friends and relatives. I knew very little of social networking sites, girls and flirting when I entered Delhi, but a year stay in the city provided me a bachelor’s degree in all of them. The other factor that helped me in getting better in flirting through social networking sites was that like me, many of others were new to the sites and, we considered too many friends and scraps as a matter of status, thus we helped each other to get that status and the task was very easily solved. After regularly interacting with my new friends on orkut, I was losing interest from orkut and wanted to move on. My addiction to orkut brought me back with a fresh mischievous idea of opening a fake yahoo account and creating a fake orkut profile to flirt with girls only. Thus, on 14 February 2007 shivamshankar was born and I made his orkut profile full of every quality which most of the girls’ dream of their boyfriends containing it. Shivamshankar was a 4^th Year B.Tech student of NIT Warangal. I just changed his educational qualifications and made him 4 years older to me. I kept other qualities same so that I can add perfection to imaginary shivam to appear a real shivam to other people. Shivam started his tasks immediately and sent friend requests to almost 200 girls on the same day. Within a week, shivam was containing more than 80 female friends and few male friends including me in my original form. Everything was going as I have planned and till 28 February, I really enjoyed seeing my hero shivam flirting with almost all type of girls in the way I always wanted to do.

                                                                    On 1st march, a new female friend entered shivam’s friend list that not only killed shivam but also changed my life forever. Aaliya, the Mumbai girl appeared to me like his any other female friends in the early stage of their friendship with shivam but, he was dealing with her in a totally different way and within a week of friendship, they were chatting late night on yahoo messenger prompting me to spend my time and money in cyber cafes, instead of books in that crucial time of my life for shivam’s new interest, who was driving him crazy. Aaliya was pursuing bachelor’s degree in banking and insurance. Her father was an engineer and she belonged from a upper middle class family. She was a typical girlie gal kind of girl in the matter of chocolates, shopping and partying. In the early days of their chatting they both appeared to be enjoying their respective moments. I was not sure what was happening to shivam but he was getting attracted to her after chatting every day.

 a6686: so wot do u see in ur dreams

a6686: ???

shivamshankar: anything tht happens in day.............

shivamshankar: i mean something...........or daily life..........or with my freinds

shivamshankar: faltu things usually ha ha ha

a6686: n i see totally opposite things

a6686: like all imaginary

shivamshankar: good...........

a6686: i love that

shivamshankar: means u ur imaginative................hmmn

a6686: m i boring u.......??

a6686: ya i m

shivamshankar: no not at all 

After, few days I was really disturbed as I felt that the sweet Aaliya was also falling in love with shivam who really does not have any existence. Controlling shivam was on my hand but I was really confused in case of Aaliya and I did not stopped them in chatting hours and hours. shivam had created his own imaginary world in which Aaliya was getting trapped and it was really a matter of concern for me. They talked about films, actors, food, places ,hobbies and various recent topics of their daily life. They had their own opinions on each topic and they have even started to quarrel in some matters but were enjoying at their best and meanwhile, I also started liking Aaliya.

 a6686: u hav started this chattin thing recently only na

shivamshankar: ya.....................

a6686: matlab iske pehle u use to chat kya????

shivamshankar: ha thora bahut apne frnds se messenger pe

shivamshankar: but then i was more busy in my own buisness..........

shivamshankar: i want to gift u a n 91 ...............will u accept it

a6686: if u really wanna gift me somthin then giv somthin which sweeet noce simple

a6686: gift somthin that reflects ur feelings n not ur MONEY

shivamshankar: ok...................if i gift u my heart to u will u accept it...........it is sweet and simple

a6686: ha ha ver funny ha

shivamshankar: ha ha ha ....................really it will be the best gift i can give u................

shivamshankar: my feelings towards u........................

a6686: ya aur kuch

shivamshankar: and ya i m very proud tht u r such a gorgeous lady for whom money does not matter and i liked it

shivamshankar: u r gr8

a6686: thanks

a6686: ek bat batoa

a6686: batao

shivamshankar: bolo

a6686: hav u lied to me about nythin

shivamshankar: no.........................

a6686: ok

a6686: sure na

shivamshankar: never.............

shivamshankar: ya

a6686: ok

a6686: chalo then bye 

And that day after letting shivam to propose Aaliya, I was elated but a bit of guilty inside me was surrounding me for letting my imagination to enter someone’s real heart and playing with it. I never wanted to hurt Aaliya but also not wanted to let her go from shivam’s life too. Finally I left all to my heart which had tuned up with shivam’s and compelled my mind to let shivam to make dip in the river of pure love. They continued their daily chats with a daily proposal by shivam and a funny reply from Aaliya, but she was letting shivam to get more close to her. After few days the prelims of Aaliya started and she decided to give shivam her phone number after her exams. Even, Aaliya has planned her first date with shivam in Mumbai during their proposed meet in July.

a6686: u like john Abraham

a6686: u hav uploaded his pic na

a6686: y don't u upload urs

shivamshankar: u want to see me...............

a6686: naah

a6686: i maent

shivamshankar: why?

a6686: its bette to upload ur pic na

shivamshankar: can u show me ur photo...............or in mumbai visit only then?

a6686: i don't hav ny

a6686: ri8 now

a6686: on ma pc

shivamshankar: i want to hear ur voice once................plg

a6686: i told u na

a6686: after ma exams

shivamshankar: ok when ur exam finish?

a6686: 22 may

a6686: u hav friends who happen to b gals??

a6686: hav u approached a gal nytime

shivamshankar: ya i did a gal ..............in past

shivamshankar: par rejected

a6686: wen u r emotional u tend to get attachd wid someone very easily

shivamshankar: yup.................its rite

a6686: n den it hurts if the person doesn't reciprocate ur feelings

a6686: n that is y it bcomes ur weakness

a6686: samjha

a6686: see u said that u kinda love me n all

shivamshankar: chalo tumko yaad to aaya................

a6686: i jus can believe that

shivamshankar: ha i expressed u my feeling..

a6686: hmmmm

shivamshankar: accha..........wht u hav felt abt me till date say frankly frm ur heart?

a6686: hmmmmmmm

a6686: well i think of u as a nice guy

a6686: with very indian mentalities

a6686: n sweet

a6686: n a good friend

a6686: don't try to put on a different mask wen ur a differnt person altogether

shivamshankar: what?

a6686: arre matlab u behave the way u r

shivamshankar: ya............sure..........i do..

a6686: that's wot i think of u.

shivamshankar: good...................aur movies dekho yaar...............

a6686: ha

a6686: abhi aap vaha delhi me aur hum yahan mumbai me

a6686: movies kiske sath dekhe??

shivamshankar: fr knowing u is it necessary to know Marathi??

a6686: ya cos wen i meet i m goin to talk in marathi .............lol

so, after reading some of the real conversations between shivam and Aaliya, you also have thought of the love which was quite evident and their net love story was soon going to convert into real love story, had shivam went to meet Aaliya in Mumbai. He was going to talk with her on phone after 23 may 07.  Frankly speaking I was in love with Aaliya and my soft side for her has only made shivam to go ahead and win her heart. I knew that we don’t have any future but I did not want to hurt Aaliya  in any way. Days passed by, and by the mean-time while Aaliya was busy with her exams, I gave all my competitive exams in Delhi. Soon, May arrived and I packed my bags back to home. After completion of my all exams, when I should have enjoyed along with my other friends, I was busy in solving my life’s biggest mystery where I was playing with a pure-hearted girl’s real heart. Finally, I decided to end up the relationship but, I wanted a better ending and I planned an idea, which was enough to worsen the image of Aaliya’s hero and convert him to the villain of this love-story. Now, for the first time I started chatting with Aaliya by becoming me in the name of shivam and I had left my heart behind and let my brain to play the game to achieve a better ending. Till date shivam has known a lot about her closed female pals. I just made her to believe in shivam and he told unfair things about Akanksha, her closed female pal and created a misunderstanding between them.

shivamshankar: nd now pls relax

shivamshankar: u got na]'

a6686: i don't believe this

shivamshankar: now u do as u wish

a6686: she was engaged wid someone

a6686: oh ma god                      

a6686: now i thought she is a very good friend of mine

shivamshankar: ok...................good thouht indeed ha

a6686: she never told me that she was engaged wid someone

shivamshankar: ab i said na..........pls leave this matter

a6686: n that i was responsible for her break up                

a6686: i jus don't believe this

shivamshankar: now relax...........fr som time pls

a6686: u know this is getting on ma nerves

a6686: i need to ask her about this

shivamshankar: y ar u becoming so angry now?

a6686: wot do u expect frm me ha

a6686: there's somebody talkin everythin crap n shit abt me

a6686: n u think that i wud keep ma cool in such things

shivamshankar: ok take care till then..........

shivamshankar: nd dont use my name

a6686: ya u too

a6686: don't worry

I knew that this will work, and she did quarrel with akanksha, and parted their ways I knew that Akanksha will not leave me after her quarrel with Aaliya and it happened as per my plan.  Akanksha inquired about me and after getting the evidence of non-existence of shivam, she showed them to Aaliya. She was broken to tatters and started asking shivam about his originality. I tried to save shivam but seeing her adamant, I told her the bitter truth which happened accidentally and I had broken a simple girl’s heart in pieces. That day itself on 14 may, I killed shivam and hated myself for doing the thing which I should have never done or ever imagined to do in my life. Tears were constantly rolling off from my eyes as I killed my own hero and lost my dream girl. It just happened and weeds of failure were visible all over my face. I don’t know what happened after that to Aaliya .  Today, on Facebook I searched Aaliya, and found her committed and settled in Canada. I am happy to see the smile on her face in her profile picture. I know that Aaliya will never forgive me for doing all this.  Really it is true that you can’t say exactly when and where you will get in love, it just happens. Still, I will love to meet her someday and say “I AM SORRY MA…M”

  

NOTE: THIS IS A REAL STORY  BASED ON MY LIFE INCIDENTS AND I HAVE CHANGED THE REAL NAME OF CHARACTERS OF MY STORY.

BY:: MIHIR KUMAR CHOUDHARY

PARILOK: THE WORLD OF MY DREAMS

DESIGN NAME: PARILOK

 The first thing which came to my mind while I was designing this t shirt was the stories of parilok and stars which I used to hear from my late grand pa. well, in this t-shirt I have tried to show that virtual world full of stars and Paris. I have shown my brain still containing the shades of Paris and stars. charcoal color of t shirt is making it to be a male dominant t-shirts. i am just hoping that u people will love this design like my previous ones.

fashionable youth tshirt design

DESIGN NAME:: FASHIONABLE YOUTH 
DONT SEARCH THEME FROM THIS TSHIRT. I HAVE DESIGNED IT JUST TO MAKE THE DESIGN TO LOOK UNIQUE. JUST FEEL THE SHADES OF WHITE TO BLACK IN 6 DIFF WAYS, WHICH I HAVE SHOWN BY SHOWING 6 MIXES OF BLACK AND WHITE COLOUR.
 HOPE THAT U WILL LOVE MY LATEST DESIGN.

THEMES OF THE T SHIRTS DESIGNED BY ME

 

DESIGN NAME:: FRESH APPLE

WHILE DESIGNING THIS T SHIRT, I JUST FOCUSED ON DESIGNING PART AND GAVE IT A SIMPLE THEME. IT CONSISTS OF SEVERAL APPLES AND ENGLISH ALPHABETS. ANYONE CAN EASILY READ THE MESSAGE WRITTEN ON MY T SHIRT. PLZZ EAT FRESH APPLE.ITS REALLY HEALTHY TO EAT  FRESH FRUITS AND FRESHNESS ALWAYS ADD ESSENCE TO  FRUITS INCLUDING APPLES. I HAVE TRIED MY BEST TO MAKE MY DESIGN LOOK NICE.   WAITING FOR PEOPLE TO RESPOND ON THIS T SHIRT, WHICH I DESIGNED ON 2ND NOV.

  

  

DESIGN NAME: : ANT MUSIC STATION 

THIS DESIGN IS MY FAVORITE . I HAVE SHOWN SOME ANTS AND MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS EMBEDDED ON THE LEAVES OF A TREE. TODAY, ANTS ARE CELEBRATING THEIR ANT FESTIVAL AND WILL NOT LEAVE ANY STONE UNTURNED IN MAKING IT A GRAND SUCCESS. THEY HAVE BUILT THEIR OWN DRUM SET , GUITAR AND OTHER MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS. FEW OF THEM HAVE PRACTICED DAY AND NIGHT ON THESE INSTRUMENTS AND ARE READY TO DELIVER THEIR BEST TODAY. THEY WANT TO CELEBRATE TODAY JUST LIKE HUMAN BEINGS . TODAY, SOME OF THE WISER ANTS SENSED THE FUTURE .NOW, ITS NEED OF THESE FESTIVALS WHICH WILL KEEP THEM UNITED WHEN THEY WILL ALSO BE AFFECTED BY THE SHADES OF DARKNESS IN COMING FUTURE. TODAY , MOST OF THE HUMAN BEINGS ARE UNDER THE SHADES OF DARKNESS AND FESTIVALS APPEAR TO BE A BRIGHTER HOPE FOR THEM IN ORDER TO ACHIEVE THE TASTE OF REAL HAPPINESS. LONG TIME AGO, OUR ANCESTORS  GUESSED THE FUTURE AND EVEN TODAY WE DANCE ON THE MUSIC THEY INVENTED FOR OUR HAPPINESS.

                            

 DESIGN NAME:: MY SUCCESS KEY   

THERE ARE THREE CATEGORIES OF PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD. ONE, WHO HAVE A VERY GOOD LUCK, 2ND HAVING AVERAGE LUCK, 3RD HAVING VERY BAD LUCK. BUT, EVERYONE HAVE TO GO ON THEIR OWN FEET TO REACH THE KEY WHICH LEADS THEM TO OPEN THE DOOR OF SUCCESS.  NOW ,1ST CATEGORY PEOPLE HAV TO WALK A BIT, 2ND CATEGORY PPL WALKS  LITTLE MORE THAN 1ST ONE AND 3RD ONE WALKS THE LONGEST AND  EVEN HAVE TO FACE HURDLES.. 
THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS THAT WE ALL GET THE KEY OF SUCCESS...NATURE HAS GIFTED US IN SUCH A WAY THAT IF WE DO LABOR OF OUR OWN WE WILL REACH THE GATE OF SUCCESS FOR SURE, THOUGH IT MAY TAKE A LONG TIME TO REACH.  ANOTHER IMPORTANT THING IS,  WE CANT REACH THE KEY UNLESS WE WALK TOWARDS IT ON OUR OWN FEET .

DESIGN NAME:: SEASON OF LOVE


THIS IS THE SEASON OF LOVE. EVERY CREATURE   APPEARS TO BE IN PURE LOVE WITH HIS OR HER BELOVED... I HAVE SHOWN SOME MALE CREATURES HAVING A ROSE WITH THEM AND GOING TO PROPOSE THEIR RESPECTIVE BELOVED. A PROPOSAL FROM MALE SIDE IS THE REAL DREAM WHICH EVERY FEMALE CREATURES WISHES TO GET CONVERTED INTO REAL HAPPENING. TODAY, THEY WILL CROSS ALL THE LIMITS TO GET THAT LOVE.THE PATH, ON WHICH ALL CREATURES ARE MOVING TO ENTER INTO THE REALM OF LOVE IS ACTUALLY A HEART, BEAUTIFULLY MADE BY LEAVES AND COCONUT TREES. THE DESTINATION OF COUPLES  IS SHOWN BY TRISHUL, WHERE THE REAL COUPLE OF THIS UNIVERSE LORD SHIVA AND MATA PARVATI RESIDES AND BLESSES ALL THE OTHER PUREST COUPLES WITH THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS. THE THEME IS  DESIGNED FOR ALL  THE PEOPLE WHO ARE IN LOVE, WERE IN LOVE OR WILL BE IN LOVE IN FUTURE ,LIKE ME. JUST ENJOY THE TEMPLE OF LOVE WHERE PEOPLE MEET TO WORSHIP LOVE.

DESIGN NAME :: STRINGS OF INSPIRATION

I DESIGNED THIS ONE ESPECIALLY FOR MUSIC LOVERS. I HAVE SHOWN A GUITAR, WHICH CONSIST OF SIX STRINGS. EACH STRING IS RELEASING MUSICAL WAVES AND INSPIRING PEOPLES IN THEIR RESPECTIVE FIELD. I HAVE SHOWN PLAYERS, WHO ARE GETTING INSPIRED TO BE BETTER AND BETTER FROM THE STRINGS OF INSPIRATION. IT LOOKS EASY TO SAY THESE SENTENCES BUT IN PRACTICAL ITS REALLY TOUGH TO GET INSPIRED FROM A GUITAR OR MUSICAL WAVES. WELL, IT ALSO DEPENDS ON THE MUSICIAN WHO IS PLAYING IT AND HOW MUCH DEVOTED HE IS IN CREATING THE INSPIRING SOUND!!!

DESIGN NAME:: MY DREAMS

FIRST TAKE A LOOK AT THIS T SHIRT NORMALLY. NOW LOOK AT IT BY INVERTING(rotate by 180 such that neck is at bottom).
THIS DESIGN IS SHOWING FEW ANIMALS ,FISHES AND INSECTS.
NORMALLY, LION EATS DEER, CAT EATS FISH, REPTILE EATS INSECT.
CAN WE IMAGINE WHAT WILL HAPPEN, IF THE OPPOSITE OF THIS NATURAL PHENOMENON HAPPENS!!
HERE I HAVE SHOWN BOTH THE NATURAL AND IMAGINARY PHENOMENON.
WHEN YOU WILL LOOK NORMALLY AT THIS DESIGN , YOU WILL FIND THAT,
THE CREATURES WHO ARE SHOWN IN BLACK ARE THE KILLERS AND THE GRAY ONES ARE BEING KILLED. LEFT SIDE OF THE T SHIRT IS SHOWING THE NATURAL PHENOMENON AND THE RIGHT SIDE IS SHOWING THE IMAGINARY.
WHEN YOU WILL LOOK AT THE T SHIRT BY INVERTING IT, GREY ONES WILL APPEAR TO BE EATING THE BLACK ONES. AGAIN, THE NATURAL PHENOMENON IS VISIBLE IN THE LEFT SIDE WHILE RIGHT SIDE CONTAINS THE IMAGINARY.
IMAGINE BEYOND YOUR DREAMS.

 BY :: MIHIR KUMAR CHOUDHARY

THE CONFESSION OF A FISHERMAN

I was back to my home after completing my b tech degree. I was placed in a multinational software company. Days were really boring for me as I had to pass 60 odd of them before my joining.     After having my lunch containing fish-curry, one of my favorite dishes prepared by my mom, I went to the nearby park. I relished there for a while after interacting with the natural beauty. Within minutes, I was near our colony's library following the essence of a beautiful girl. The girl looked awesome and became my 22nd love within moments. I was going to be 22 , next march. My love entered the library while I was planning to enter her heart. After picking the same book with fish's picture on the cover, i sat near her in the reading room. Virtual weeds of success in love were visible on my face and I became busy with the book.

                                           
  

"   I am not well educated, but the deity has graced me with some different thoughts not present at all in my family members and in my locality. I am a fisherman from birth but my ancestors struggle and hard labour has made me to own the biggest fish-shop of my city. Hundreds of fishermen work for me. I am fond of animals, fishes and speechless creatures with a dilemma that I involve myself in killing of fishes and then make money. My responsibilities towards my family and respect for my ancestors make me helpless; otherwise I would have left this business many years ago. Lack of proper education and large unemployment spread in our country are other factors that have made me stuck with this business. Sometimes, I feel elated while interacting with good and educated people who often come to my shop. Along with money, I also gain some intellectual knowledge from these people. The sight of fishes getting killed really makes me feel low.' IF ANYONE IS WEAK, THEN CRUSH IT IF ITS END ADDS ANYTHING IN SATISFYING YOUR NEED' It seems that we all are following this principle. We may have to face consequences when someone stronger than us will rise against us while protecting the weaker species including fishes too. Few months ago, I met with Chandan kr sharma. He was a nice guy and regular customer of my shop. We became close friends very soon and used to share lot of personal matters. He worked here in Mangalore in a multinational company as the project manager. Mr and Mrs Sharma celebrated there 1st navratra here. I still remember the day, when after the end of durga-pooja Chandan came to my shop for inviting me and purchasing fishes for the party. He was recently promoted and was throwing a small party to his close friends including me. I was excited for eating the delicious fish-curry prepared by Tanya (Mrs Sharma).She had got an Excellency in cooking. Chandan and Tanya were one of the best married couples. Both respected each other’s feeling and compelled other married couples to feel jealous of their perfect life. Chandan was perfectly balancing his personal and professional life. Shreya was also invited in the dinner by Chandan. She worked under him in the company and was one of his best friends. She was really a beauty with which everyone around would like to be attached and adore the deity’s finest gift to her. People were crazy about her and were ready to do anything just for being in the realm of her essence for a long duration. She also accompanied intelligence of good level with her. Her good work and simplicity influenced Chandan too and very soon they became good friends. Tanya was fond of Shreya too and they were very good friends. Tanya's love filled food enhanced the essence of the dinner at such a high level in the party that we had no words left in praising her. The evening became more special to us when bhabhi ji announced that she was going to be a proud mother very soon. It was one of the best moments of Chandan's life and he wanted to live each and every part of that moment. We did fun for hours after the dinner. Few days later Chandan and Tanya went to Dubai for enjoying holidays.
                                                            I had never expected that it was the last time I was going to meet the Sharmas when, I went to see-off them at the airport with Shreya. They lost their lives in a plane crash along with 158 passengers while returning to Mangalore near the airport. The news was a shock for many houses of this city. I broke in tatters after the incident. I had lost my best friend who gave me a place in his pure heart and today my heart was feeling the absence of its real pal. Shreya was completely broken and after few days she left the city along with the job. Today after a span of 1 month, many people have forgotten the incident. I have lost contact with Shreya too. But, I feel unable to forget Chandan and bhabhi ji. Their happy faces always come in my dream making me restless all the time. I still don't know what made these 158 people and their families to suffer without their fault. Does the super powerful nature that created us along with the other species have started to take revenge with us in consequence of what we did to its weaker children? I don't know exactly what is happening. But these thoughts have forged a fear inside me which haunts me even during my sleep. Even my lungs fear while accepting the oxygen necessary for my survival. My soul makes me responsible in the death of Chandan and other people as a consequence of my involvement in killing fishes. My images in the mirror are commanding me to suffer alone and save other innocent people from the consequences in the coming future.

                                                                                    Finally today, I have decided that I must suffer, must suffer alone...................................".""""

I was shocked after reading this and became completely stagnant when I saw that there was no one except me in the reading room. I was not reading a book of fish's picture on the cover rather, was reading a news magazine. The page, which I was reading contained report on the recent plane crash and next page containing suicidal report of a fisherman who died after a month of the crash. I was really scared till then and hurried to my home with many unanswered questions flowing in my brain.

I was feeling unable to answer them and there was really no one who would really trust my description of the incident, I came few minutes ago and help me in any way. After reaching home safely I checked on internet about Chandan, Shreya and Tanya. Chandan and Tanya sharma really died in the plane crash. I screamed and became motionless for hours when I found my 22nd love to be Shreya and she died few days ago in a car accident.

                                                           BY
                                                          MIHIR KUMAR CHOUDHARY